i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
