I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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