Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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