told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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