It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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