I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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