Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
