wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
