My first STD was from a foam party
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
