my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
