I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
