Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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