He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
