hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
