They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
