her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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