whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
