i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
