finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
