i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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