A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
