This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
