My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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