First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
