I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
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I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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