Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
