i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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