if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
