You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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