swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
This is my life. Enjoy the view
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
