Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
