Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
