and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I believe in your delicious
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
