Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
