and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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