ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
