she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
