Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
All the doctor said was why
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize