He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
