i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
