I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
