I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
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No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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