First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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