im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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