i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
