WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When are your genitals available?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
