Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
