Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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