Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
