OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
