Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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