he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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