I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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