I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
