Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she smelled like a LAN party
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
