Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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