YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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