im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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