Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
