How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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