i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
