My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
