Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
