So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
