Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
