just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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