dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
