I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
