That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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