Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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