I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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