I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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