Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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