Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize