a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
